The Future

What's the future of gaming hold?  Silicone chips in the brainstem?  Dancing robot legs?  Controllerless gaming?   NO!  None of these, because while its seems perfect, it's pretty fucking stupid (incidentally, applies to most things that seem perfect).

Hey now, I'm not bashing on the concept,  playing without a controller was clearly the logical progression of the wireless controller, but, like all science, progression happens in little steps and gaming needs to Willy Wonka their crap backwards until they can get it goddamned right.

Controllerless gaming is not the way of the future, in principle it is, offering the first threshold technology towards a full sensorial immersion experience.  But it's not even plausible, the lag time difference between a wired Gamecube Controller from the 90's and a brand new Xbox Kinect are laughably different.  Gamecube wins by a landslide victory, as always.  Because the computational power required to keep that high a quality and frame rate optimal is ridiculous for the commercial scale.

Have you ever TRIED the Kinect?  It's slow and while it remains an epic platform for 3D modelling, mapping, and rendering the interior of a room, it still remains a sub-par gaming platform.

The only positive element of the Kinect is the ability to sit 10ft away from it and your TV, in your underwear while shovelling Cheetos into your mouth, and scream "XBOX KINECT! NETFLIX!"  While speckles of orange powdery spittle vacate your mouth.  Seriously though, that Audio recognition system is ultra legit.  It could understand you shouting at it to play King of the Hill, while farting and in mid bong rip, completely unintelligible to any mortal being.  And that shit would still get turned on anyways.

Because the Kinect, and all similar techs, is not a gaming platform.  It is a gaming accessory.  An accessory pretending to be more than it is.  Because all of the games equally suck.  And the 'workout' it offers you, consists of you flailing your arms about in frustration, trying to prompt a motion to register like you're praying at it with all the fervour of Fred Phelps.

But, as loathe as it already is, if we simply switch viewpoints and decide on it as an accessory, it's great.  Because you can shout at it to play movies or load up games while you do other things that can include carrying around the actual controller that, you know, doesn't have to be in direct line of site of the TV to work.