The game opens up so childishly endearing that its almost silly. Most Zelda games open up pretty modestly in some humble tree village, but this time they take the cake with a sleepy and colorfully cell-shaded island, wisps of ethereal wind carving through the air in a singular direction.
Of course, it starts out like all the others, with our very Toonish hero rising from a slumber at the insistent behest of his younger sister.....From hundreds of feet above the ocean in a very thin wooden lookout. Oh, and it's not even like he's posted up there, he just wakes up off the floor like some homeless person. Your sister quickly explains that 'Surprise!!! It's your birthday! How could you forget?' How could you forget??? Probably the same way you forgot that sleeping on the salty, shoddily built floor of the tallest structure of your immediate environment isn't exactly the best way to ensure a long and healthy life span. Especially when you're about four feet tall and silly things like 'guard rails' clearly havent been designated as important to a society where the denizens are capable of being bullied by hordes of chickens and gentle winds.
Your endearingly wide-eyed sister instructs you to go see Grandma who has a special gift for you. Spoiler: It's a green tunic and your Grandmother hates you.
So the game progresses with you performing menial tasks for the neighbors, including sparring with the old fisherman dude who's pretty creepily keen to give children weaponry. Anyways, as your sister is letting you look through her most prized possession, a telescope? (It's poverty, dude, don't ask) the mailman, who, by the way, is a member of an entire race of birdmen who are ALL mailmen, and all deeply resemble Harvey Birdman, Attorney at law, starts freaking out. Cue in a pan to left and BOOSH. Giant peacock devil bird from hell shows up, clutching what appears to be some pirate lesbian, while being shot at and chased by a pirate ship armed to the teeth.
What a sight to just see roll through your neighborhood.
Now, obviously those pirates want their lesbian back, but the way that they're just firing at this thing, doesn't exactly portray any sense of 'accuracy.' This point is soon hammered in when a cannonball wings Giant Death Bird in the jaw and he drops our gender ambiguous friend to fall into literally the only forest visible for hundreds of thousands of miles on this deserted island. Lucky break.
Your sister then turns to you and with a perfectly straight face and unexcited, dead-pan saucer eyes, that you have to go to the woods to save that pirate. Mind you, this is, like, a 9- year old explaining this to you. And, following what is likely to become the roots of a MASSIVE sister complex, we venture off to save the mysterious vagabond.
After a brief murdering jaunt through the woods, dispelling a couple woefully underarmed goblins in the process, you manage to save the lucky pirate, who tells you that his/her (still don't know, leaning feminine) name is Tetra. And head back across a bridge to see your little sister trot after you like that one bunny that just bounds along the meadow while theres very obviously an 8-ton owl in the sky. Needless to say, The bird is on point and the little girl gets snatched right up.
OH NOSE!!!!! plot development.
but okay, so you're trying desperately, and in more or less vain, to get these pirates to allow you to come aboard, when Harvey Birdman's protege shows up and explains that in his travels, (he can fly and stuff) he's heard much talk of a giant bird monster that steals little girls. Yep, PedoBird has struck again. And only you can save her before it does something really FOWL to her. ahhhhhaaaah ha...... ahem. sorry. So Tetra lets you on board to begin the long journey away from home whoooo! You never say goodbye to Grandma, fuck that bitch.
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