The Simple Strategy to Drunk Driving and Extrapolated Tangents

First of all, I play what too much Double Dash, entirely too much.  It's ALL my roommate plays.  And after a year of toil I finally manage to almost beat him occasionally.  But then I played some other friends, and realized that I'm the only one that knows how to boost. Long story short, no one but my roommate wants to play Mario Kart with me anymore.  Lugubrious? Slightly.  But on nights with a box of cheap shitty wine or a 30 rack of keystone light, drunk driving became an exquisite way to pass the time. And from this, game after game of rapid boozage, I learned a fast lesson: the winner is whoever downs the beer first, usually, accounting on skill and what not. But if you slam that alcohol faster than they do, you've got a huge lead. Boosh.


Plus, you lose time with that whole 'pick up the can' and 'put the can back down' spiel.  Why not just eliminate the need altogether by just drinking the whole thing?   See, this is where I think video games get dangerous, Mario Kart is a bigger gateway drug than pot, because just a few minutely adult moderations on the rules and Bam! you're well on your way to full-blown alcoholism!

I suppose that same comparison could be drawn similarily with ape-headed face-eating crackheads getting their good ol' happy roots from violent video games too, so I'll cool it on the slippery slope fallacy, but still.  Think about it.  Similar comparisons right there.
Not that I think that video games really fuck with your head like that, well okay, except for Postal, and stuff like that.

(There's really only so much 'cat silencer' that the mind can handle)

That being said, this game is almost more fun than you can handle, you can light things on fire and then piss them out, and snort cat nip that makes everyone but you go into slow motion (life advice: don't snort catnip)  And you can kill a fully grown elephant with an anthrax filled cow head.   (life advice: If you're even thinking about it, at this point I can't really tell you not to)  what a sweet, wholesome game.  

Wow, so talk about shifting focus, but we're talking about how ridiculous Postal 2 was now.  Just because I say so.  

(Well, sums up my blog, guess I'm done here.)

You can kill Gary Coleman.  Which, I realize, is a bit of a dicey scenario nowadays (in the wake of his great loss?)  But that part of his soul will be forever immortalized as the part of a game where you get into a huge shootout in a mall full of children to kill a midget black celebrity.   Rare occurences of great splendour in which the fourth wall is not only broken, but totally shit on in such a manner that renders said wall tainted for all of time.  There is just the strange sense of corruption that games sometimes emphasize that I think should really be viewed under a microscope.