With those kinds of numbers it makes perfect sense that there would be loads of different games, with a correspondingly succinct variety of gamers. Here are a sampling of the known species. At least for now.
Stereotypical Gamer
You've all probably seen or at least heard of one of these. One can often distinguish this species by the smell alone. Which is a rank combination of Mountain Dew: Code Red, Nacho Cooler Ranch Doritos and sweat. Thick, oily sweat. I don't know if you've ever worked as a fast food slave, but you know the grease trays under the grills? Picture that slowly trickling out of the microscopic pores of a human being and you've got your image.
. The average stereotypical gamer is not skinny, nor anything resembling it. Long hours of grinding for experience or gear have left them with fold upon folds of luscious lardiness which literally coats their skin. But that's not to say that this species is not without its merits. The Stereotypical gamer posseses some of the most dextrous and nimble, albeit pudgy hands in the Video Game Kingdom. However, because of this dichotomous relationship between the strength of their hands, and the sluggishness of the rest of them, they tend to form Carpal Tunnel, amongst other complications.
The Stereotypical Gamer may be quite unpleasant to look at, and he's certainly not any easier to talk to. That is, unless you're speaking to him over Ventrillo, or some other teamspeak program. Any real attempts to speak to the S.G. may garner a spiteful reproach of your efforts. Any real world interaction with them is usually sequestered into a few short sentences, as they feel you speaking to them is an intrusion into the world that they have chosen to establish themselves as gods in.
And they are gods. Make no mistake, if you are a WoW, EVE, Second Life, Diablo, or even Runescape player, they are your superior. In every possible way, down to the silliest achievements. If one thing is to be praised the highest about these gamers, its their dedication, and the ability to accomplish in 8 months of continuous play the same amount of work that would take any other of these gamers their entire lifetime.
Real-Life example:
The Tweaker
Liquid Anger!!!!!
The reason that professional game rackets drug test their participants is because of sped-out Tweakers.
It starts with the occasional joy of a clean kill in a shooter. A child will associate the points allotted to the kill they performed as a general assessment of their character. Before long, they're fiending for the death of their enemies like a crack head for another hit. It's a fuckin' slippery slope.
Tweakers are the most easily classifiable of all the types due to their distinctive shouts of rage and pain. Commonly, if you follow a string of racial epithets across the air, you'd likely find a couple of them glued against a TV screen.
DO NOT ENGAGE THE RAGE OF A TWEAKER, THEY WILL ONLY DRAW YOU INTO THEIR WORLD AND FORCE YOU TO ASSIMILATE INTO THEIR RANKS
Real-Life Example:
The Sports Gamer
Yes, there are muscular men that play simulations of activities that make men muscled. Two types, in fact. The Jocks, and the Watchers. The jocks look just like the characters they control, while the watchers tend to have a more powerful dynamic strategy from hours upon hours of couch surfing. But one thing remains true for both of them: they live off of sports.
It's not enough for these people to just watch sports, or even play them. They must SIMULATE, allowing their minds to wander through the nigh infinite possibilities of line-ups, players, environments, and even controller schemes.
Much like a frat, if you are not of the Sports Gamer hierarchy, you will never understand them. Likewise, if you are a Sports Gamer, you're likely to only play your sports games until the end of time.
While much less prominent than Tweakers, the Sports Gamer still harbors an intense hatred of losing, and its not uncommon for a Sports Gamer on the downhill to up and quit his game in a moment of disgust.
Also, there once appeared to exist an ancient phylum of Sports Gamer that enjoyed the realism of NFL: Blitz over the surreal abstractness of FIFA, but it seems that that noble race has long since died out.
Real-Life Example:
the guy in the back looks quite sad for not being on fire.
Driftheads
you can just see it in their eyes.
While the argument can be made that this species should be in the aforementioned category, I prefer to give them their own place because this is all they do. One does not simply 'like racing games.' They live it. Their dedication to their craft being their defining feature, they take great pride in their skill. They're like the Lions of the Video Kingdom, not the most dangerous, but certainly the most proud.
Driftheads don't necessarily cling to just drifting games, any form of vehicular sprinting is right up their alley. Some even play Sonic, because this species of gamer just wants to move the fastest, the most elegantly, and while maintaining a cool calm exterior. A Drifthead will never shout at you, or sling bullshit racism at you, they might beg a rematch, but they're overall good people.
My roommate doesnt know it, but he's a Drifthead. And he only plays one racing game. But the thing is the pride. "You will never beat me at Double Dash." Just saying this aloud indicates a substantial degree of 'driftiness.'
Real-Life Example:
(This is the world record for the hardest level in Double Dash. Each of those blue boosts requires you to tilt the joystick left and right three times in rhythm while maintaining control of the vehicle.)
The Girl 'Gamer'
bitch, its not even turned on.
In a world where the stigmatism granted to liking video games has diminished to a point of mootness, the notion that nerds are sexy began to arise alongside shows like The Big Bang Theory, Doctor Who, and Sherlock. With this crazy change, came also the droves of people looking to improve their image with a new hobby. Amongst them, we finally stumble onto the first female of the list. The digital Smurfette, if you will.
The reason that 'gamer' is in quotes is because this particular species takes far more pride in being alongside the other species than they do in their own skills. To this extent, the girl gamer exists to garner attention from the rest of the Video Game Kingdom males by attempting to act like a pro, "im so good, girl gamer, YOLO!" and then chastising anyone who puts them in their place with a fusillade of lead. "heeeey, be nice, its just a game."
As one might imagine, this species is almost completely undetectable at a glance alone, because the ingratiation of gaming into their lives has been one of 'accessory' not 'necessity' or 'obsession.'
You don't need no examples.
*
The Actual Girl Gamer
That isn't to say that the obsession of gaming hasn't managed to make its way into womankind. If you have a girl friend who plays lots of video games, with or without anyone in the room, you've got yourself a girl gamer. And let me just go ahead and spell it out, the faux- sexy 'look at how hotly I can lick this controller.' Is just not a move in their repertoire. Plus, that's fucking gross. Ever seen an old, well-used controller? Not a thing of beauty, I can promise that.
As a personal example, I knew this girl, Jacintha (Jae) who loved to play Skyrim and Halo. She wasn't the most amazing or even thorough player, but she was certainly one of the most vulgar. And girly. She would waltz through the towns, slaughtering anyone who she didn't like the look of, but never hurting the animals. When someone killed her character, she liked to scream "Jesus Titty-fucking christ!" To what was probably the abject horror of her neighbors, whom I just assumed were christian for the remainder of that semester, purely out of the dirty looks she got on a regular basis. One time, playing Halo with me, she'd bashed a Grunt in the back of the head during a stealthy part of the game. Then, when the grunt hit the floor, she crouched down and proceeded to unload a full assault rifle clip into its butthole, alerting the rest of the compound to the fact that she was giving a tiny alien a lead enema.
This species is very distinguishable in that there is a clear lack of care of appearance during, before, or after the actual appearance of playing. And they can talk shit. Distinction. Jae once told me to eat her mook because I beat her at smash bros.
Semi-Real-Life Example
Fighters
The legendary "Beast," Daigo
Fighting games are the fucking shit. And they always will be. Curious which kind of gamer I'd classify myself as? Bet not anymore. Fighters hold 'challenge' to be the most revered element of gaming, and although many species train at their trade, the Fighters take it to an entirely different echelon of importance. For a Fighter, the most exciting thing is finding someone who's either at just the same level, or just a little bit better than you.
Most seasoned Fighters have relinquished the basic console controller of choice in exchange for a set of Joysticks of some kind. (pictured expensively above, no shit that thing can run you about $350 for a pro set)
How do you spot a Fighter? As easily as you would spot a drifter, much like them, all Fighters strive to be the very best ever. Games that they might play include: Tekken, Street Fighter, Streets of Rage, Smash Bros Melee/N64/Brawl (in order of awesome) Soul Calibur (eh), and basically any 2-Dimensional fighter.
The diet of a Fighter is very odd, they are always locked in some form or other of homeostatic seeking, seeing as how they are so focused on playing an intense of a game as possible. You're likely to bump into one of them smoking a cigarette, sippin' on whiskey, or doing pot. The narcotic effect of their intoxicants is seemingly enhanced ten-fold due to the high-energy play style that they employ, and many if not most share vices.
I say that I am a Fighter, only because fighting games are my favorite. But unlike the other categories, being self-aware of my position within their ranks has allowed a sense of camaraderie to matriculate along my very existence. Nothing says, 'good game' like a last minute, close match victory, and the tendency to take well into account the skills of their opponent. Noticing trends, the level of health they're comfortable attacking with, distance, hit boxes. The volume of information that goes through the eyes of a Fighter as he loudly mashes the controls is truly epic.
Not to mention, this year's EVO 2013 game was chosen through a donation pool for Breast Cancer. Super Smash Bros: Melee, a standard of beat-em'-up gaming, won, earning almost half of the $200,000 down towards the cause. Mind you, this game is a dozen years old. Most of the people donating have been playing this game for almost half of their lifespans.
There's a kind of reverence towards gaming with this species, much like the drifters, but they are much more interested in the skill of others than that of their own, always seeking to stretch themselves further, and test the limits of their hands and heads. They tend to all have very well developed thumbs.
Real-Life Example:
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